No to Naikun Wind Farms

My deepest fear is that it is too late, that the greed of our colonizers has consumbed my people.

I look around, and see our children living in poverty, parents struggling to heal from intergenerational trauma, and we are all fighting with eachother.

Meanwhile we have lost all of our resources to corporations for a quick dime to get high.

We are addicted to this world, and the anger lingers on my lips like words with no where to go.

I always knew one day i would have to tell my daughter about Kanada, about greed, about the small pox, about Colonization, about Lateral Violence, about addictions, and the list grows longer.

My brother says his aunty has been fighting our Council for years, and i see our band offices signing deals behind closed doors, and sometimes our lone warriors get burnt out.

I pray my daughter never has to suffer the agonizing heart ache my generation is facing with Enbridge, Naikun Wind Farms, Treaties being signed selling our souls.

I pray my daughters generation will be heard when they say no.

I pray for these things, as the Tsunamis hit, the nuclear explosions, we continue digging ourselves deeper into destruction.

Dii Koyas Tawlang---> Yakguudang!

My precious relations, Respect all life.

Role Model's- YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ :)

I look around at a lot of our youth, and powerful people who do amazing things. I will not mention any names, im just going to talk in a general sense. We have rap artists, singers, amazing "First Nations" brothers and sisters. well educated MEN and WOMEN who leave home to be able to one day return to their roots, and help their home communities grow, learn, and heal from the Colonization we have suffered from Contact with Europeans. I myself have taken that same journey. My first trip into the institutionalized world of Academia, I started my first year of my BA for Psychology. My favorite classes were philosophy and anthropology. I didnt do so well in Psychchology though. I had a philosophy class that i was well engaged through, and did freelance writing for our local student based magazine at CNC. I remember being a part of a role model program where students from college buddied up with students from high school, and it was great. My philosophy teacher asked me, WHATS THE WHOLE ISSUE THAT FACES YOUR NATIONS? I was speachless. I knew a little of residential school, and our land loss, but... what did it all MEAN? After my first year, i quit. And went home to be with my people. I couch surfed, sold *geekum* to support myself, had no education to get me a good paying job, i drank a lot, i was no longer a fighter, but still had the rep. I learned more from my hometown about the world than I could ever have learned in school...

Best education is in the eyes of my brother and sisters, in our average neighbor you walk by on the street. This is the essence of "kanada".

This is the Intergenerational Trauma, the Depression, the RAGE. We are the survivors, and some of us dont want to fight anymore. We are tired, for we have learned to fight eachother. Parents fighting eachother, family fighting eachother, and we are fighting not only within our own homes, our own communities, and our own nations, or even in our own "kind". So this makes it so much more easier to complete the colonization process. This lateral violence. We have been taught so well by our opressors, that this is all we know. The outcast missionarries from other countries came here mistaken, abusing our grandparents, physically, sexually, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. No wonder. We are a nation, individual by individual healing from all this bullshit.

All the bloodshed, all the lies, and this is what i think of when i see the "kanadian" flag, or hear the very word. My blood boils.

But this aint a history lesson... i tend to get off track. My apologies. But maybe this is a good quick look at what influences a lot of my brothers and sisters.

I see many of our brothers and sisters taking a good stand. And i love it. We have many great leaders coming forward. And many self-proclaimed 'ROLE MODELS'. All that comes to mind with this is a memory i have of our Alcohol and Drug Counsellor sitting with us in the bar drinking, but preaching to us at work the next day about our addiction.

I think i get bothered by my relations not WALKING their talk. If we are going to go anywhere, walk in a good honest way. We have eyes and ears everywhere. I think of myself, and I know im not a good role model. I did all the worst things in my life, except for hard drugs, and major crimes. Even today, i admit im not perfect, and i have much work to do on myself.

I see MODELS, SINGERS, CULTURAL LEADERS, AND HEALERS,and ROLE MODELS,and even our ARTISTS, and maybe its my fault for i put them up on a pedestool for having their self proclaimed titles, but i automatically begin to think these are good people i can learn from. And sometimes, i mostly learn that is NOT how i want to be. So what i do, i  do so carefully. What i say, may hurt a lot of people. And ill admit its not my place to say it. So i wont, thats why you read this note.

last year, i offended a few people by doing a 'perfomance', which i normally dont encourage or agree with. our songs are not puppet shows, they are all ceremonial sacred prayers, that have a meaning, a history, and belong to certain people. but i choose to do the 'performance' because it was for the youth. and i felt so inspired to share with them a positive message.

a message of healing, of responsibility, a message of the need for sobriety. If i hold my drum and share my 'culture', its an HONOUR for me to do so. I am ethically responsible to my ancestors, for they sacraficed a lot for me to be here. I didnt want our youth to believe it is ok to DRINK, DRUG, PARTY, AND HOLD A DRUM. I kinda got disowned for this by some people. Yes, I will not sing with people who have the wisdom and knowledge of our way of life, but ignorantly carry no respect for our songs and and sacred dances.

sometimes being Indigenous is a double edged knife, and we are to be very careful with HOW we carry ourselves in the world.

this is  a very sensitive topic, and im uncomfortable expressing myself in this manner. but this is my truth. not everyone has to agree with it.

It raises A GOOD NUMBER OF QUESTIONS. What does it mean to be slurred lingo "aboriginal", indigenous, 'native', 'first nations'.

Is it our blood, our skin colour. Our knowledge, our wisdom? Our ability to speak our mother language? holding a drum? designing 'art'? Singing a song? Hunting? Fishing? Are we native if we have a status card? If we have traditional territory, which is now overrun and destroyed by CIVILIZATION.  What is it that makes us who we are? Are we strong warriors for being a good fighter? For selling drugs? For drinking anyone under the table?

There is a lot i have no idea of. I go to ceremonies, and sit beside lots of non-native, european, or canadians who get names for cutting wood, or being our friends.

Pre-contact, we recieved many different names in our lives. Once after our toddlerhood, once at our coming of age, once when getting married, or passing a major milestone in life. We got names from other nations too if we were close to them, and did good things inter-nation-ally. Now, I know more non-native's that carry our names than do our own people. We parade them around, they recieve their name, and carry little responsibility to our clans, or our nations. * this is not true for all non-natives who recieve names in our language*

But this name giving hurts those who do not yet have names. Those who long for, dream of, and patiently wait for names.

So names dont always identify our roots, our indigenous identity.

I do have to mention, I do have many personal role models. My daughter being my biggest hero, and teacher. Some sisters and brothers too, that walk the red road, and carry themselves with integrity, and dignity, and are very self respecting. But we are overflooded with consistent needs for healing, growth, and learning.

Take me for example. I have no right to JUDGE others for their actions, or make assumptions. And believe me, I am doing the best i can with what i have to not point fingers at anyone but myself. perhaps i get too influenced by the world, and get disappointed by indivuals we should continue looking up to if we can all learn to walk together in honesty, sobriety, and not compromise any of our values or worth.

Awa Gwaii- Mother Earth

our mother earth is in need of healing, and we are responsible for healing ourselves so we can help her heal. our responsibilities are for our creator, not for money, not for greed, not for destroying. our future depends on our children, and their children. is this the legacy that we are leaving for them. polluting the blood of mother earth, and having to BUY clean water? being locked into a world of credit, and debt? having to buy land that can not be owned, for we are the ones owned by the land. we have forgotten our place in the circle of life, and try creating a new reality with our toys, our technology, and we will destroy ourselves, creating our own extinction. i would rather mankind be extinct if it meant that mother earth has an opportunity to heal. specism, creator never gave mankind the gift of life to be god-like, taking life and destroying with no conscious ability. we have left our gifts, and surrendered the fight, and accepted the fact we are conquered.

this is how we can buy spiritual freedom from tim hortons in a large double double.

Break of Dawn

Break of Dawn


During the time of darkness when our sacred Mother Earth is fighting for her survival from the destruction by the greed of mankind, there was a sacred birth for from a single tear drop of pain, a birth for the hope to move beyond survival. Thunderbird was dancing in the sky, rain fell, lightening and thunders roared from the beast of the Supernatural world. The Sisuithl hunted for justice, and Eagle flew along the shores of the world looking for all our sacred Sisters, our warriors, the medicine keepers. Frog challenges all creation to be an element of change. Wolf and Bear come to our people with medicine, sacred knowledge in visions, and protection for those suffering. Mouse Woman searched for truth. Fog Women comes in the dead of night with her warnings we continue to ignore. All our Ancestors reach out to those left who walk the red road, guiding us with Visions, Dreams, and answers we seek for this world. All my relations, my sacred brothers and sisters, born from many great nations face too many challenges.
I lay in the womb of Mother Earth, and i weep. My body covered in mud, i scrape the ground, scream, and beg for mercy, for strength, for humility. I connect. The pain shoots through my heart, and i carry the weight of sufferings on my back, watching families being torn apart by governments, men and women unable to prevent the consumption of their souls. Corporations talking all they seek in greed, and still they want more. Our sacred brothers and sisters, the two legged, the four legged, the ones with wings, and the ones who swim and crawl all feel the doom of chaos approaching, like a big storm. Our Sacred Teachings wonder close to us, yet how do we embrace the truth. Like a dancer around the fire in the big house, honoring the flames of truth that burn deep within all our hearts. Night arrives with it full blooded moon that hovers above us, pulling at our souls, change, grow, become justice. Stars stretch far, but disappear over the cities with their man made pale yellow lights that drain from the water of the earth. This man made world, forces us to fight for freedom. Fueled by passions desire, love becomes a cheap coffee-table item picked up only when convenient. Love is more than that, when we truly embrace the warmth of love, we are connected to our creator, and in the sigh of the night, we become beautiful beings of hope. Fueled by passions desire, like star crossed lovers, we all search for the connection.
Land becomes a commodity, water becomes bottled and sold across the borders. Children starve, women loose their sacred purity, intergenerational  systemic cultural genocide. Murdered and missing women, are the police guilty? No more than you or I. For we are all equal, and equally responsible as well. Sell our spirituality for salvation. And this is supposed to hold some value?
Women become warriors again, standing in truth. In honor, saying this is enough! No more killing, no more abuse, no more disrespect. For when the world was young, our first mothers came from the love of Copper Woman, the Sacred Sisters danced into the four sacred directions. Each Nation on this Earth came from the birth and love of the First Sacred Sisters. Each one of us from the four sacred directions come with teachings. The Sacred Sisters of the East,Sisters of the South, Sisters of the West, Sisters of the North. All teachings, sacred knowledge, and ceremonies come from the gift of life these First Sacred Sisters created in the world. For we are all one heart. We shall have peace when all the daughters of Copper Woman come together in Unity. Embracing all our sacred selves, with beautiful pure courage.
Something is moving, a great new sound is rising, the brooks of water are flowing, the breeze blowing, do you hear the sound, of change in the hearts of all mankind…
Torn since the day we are born, because we are chosen to a fate. We have roles in our Nations that will save us all. Who we are will empower our brothers and sisters who need it the most. We are matriarchs, mothers, daughters, sisters, Medicine Women, Healers, Tricksters, Teachers, Students. Each individual belonging to a sacred circle where we are all equal, equally responsible. Responsible to ourselves, to our families, to our communities, to our nations, to our ancestors, to our creator.
We are all sacred children of Mother Earth. Brothers and sisters as we wonder through our life journey's seeking the truth of our existence in this world. Our world is a little off balance, its lacking the peace and harmony that it once had because we have forgotten we all belong to each other. Sacred Relations. Born with the power to love and protect. We are all born from the connection we have to our creator. Taking a vow before our conception to walk this life with respect for ourselves, and all living creatures. The creator guides us through life, to be with like minds, and to gently change all minds. Growth and human
acceptance is our key to peace and harmony. It is not impossible. To say it is a silly dream, and cant be done during our lifetime is like accepting defeat before we even began the battle.
When the World tells me to quit- I REFUSE. I stand with Mother Earth, and I acknowledge Grandfather Sky, Foam woman who's sister is Grandmother Moon as she pulls the tides of the oceans with her songs of change. I acknowledge the trickster, my beloved Raven Woman. She who found the sun, the stars, the moon, and they sky in the Treasure box. I acknowledge my sacred brother Eagle for he teaches us wisdom and patience, and keeps us all in line when we may wonder far from our journey. I sing a song for Grandfather Frog,  and wonder if Raven will go back to seek his counsel again. I watch Fog Woman roll into our world, carrying secret medicines of visions from the spiritual world. She brings back the hope of our forgotten ways. I call on the strength of Copper Woman to keep me going. The World keeps pushing me down, and this voice in my heart tells me to never surrender. To embrace the world in my heart like a sacred lover.I paddle all night, across the stars in the sky, the waves of freedom and hope lift my spirit into this world.
Dawn breaks, as does my heart many times. I have paddled all night, just as my sacred ancestors have many moons ago. She who paddles all night singing the chants of victory, of survival, for life is so sacred. The single night of paddling across the stars in the darkness is a life time on earth. The journey has began. Seduction of truth is a battle. Life after life my spirit comes back to this earth, walks another journey by choice. A restless spirit, haunted by the struggle of our Sacred Sisters and Sacred Brothers who live on Mother Earth. Choosing to come back for another life bringing hope, creating justice, and to lift-up all our relations.
The warrior song breaks into the pulsing beating heart of Mother Earths connection, across the skies, land, and seas of life..... a drum beat like that of all unity. An in-sync beat, like a war beat, eaches through all eternities, connecting every sacred spirit that comes and goes from this existence of life on Earth.The pulsing like the full blooded moon, power crashing like thunder and lightening. In this song, is our sacred teachings, and all life sings in graceful cries:
~ cherish knowledge, for this is wisdom~
~ open your heart in love, as this is peace~
~ honor all sacred creations, for this is respect~
~ face your fears with dignity, for this is bravery
~ know you are a sacred part of our circle of life, for this is humility~
~ accept all these sacred gifts as the truth, and live it with honor~
A woman warrior sits on the beach, the sun sets, and she reaches out to the horizon, sings the warrior song of balancing our gifts. The woman warrior, is the essence of Mother Earth. She is you, she is me, she is your mother, she is your grandmother, she is your sister. For we are all one heart.
Each new life our spirits choose to live, we bring forth these sacred gifts to the world. We bring hope, faith, courage, integrity, willingness, forgiveness, justice, spiritual awareness. Interconnected through all living creatures by our creator, Mother Earth.
Spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally- we are one. Born from the creation of faith, we travel through each lodge, dancing across the stars in the sky praying. I am living history, this is my story. I am Big Fire Woman. Born of pain, grief, reborn into healing, and becoming a warrior to protect all my sacred relations with our truth.
Who will dance with me around the fire? The flames taunt my spirit, for in the fire is our man made doorway to the spiritual realm. My heart soars like a Raven Women dancing for her lover, Eagle. A forsaken dance, where leadership is the romantic seduction of freedom. When I dance across the sandy floor, barefoot, that fire calls to me. Healing is a partnership, it takes the whole community to work together to uplift our Nations. Learn grace if you can honor your light within. Be honest, and hold that drum with honor.
Soon my spirit will take the old familiar journey through that final fourth valley, I have seen it before. Its beautiful there. A place where all warriors travel when their time has come. They chant for me to return to the other side, but I keep saying, just a little bit more time. Leave me here. I can do this. I hold my head up high, because this is my world. I am an accomplishment, worth more than the Governments Debts. I am a sacred life-bearer. I live principles of passion, dancing between the past and the future. Loving the spirit world, and this wold of reality. I see Raven, Eagle, Wolf, all our leaders pulling our canoes in different directions. WE are the gift of love, of compassion, but we ignore our spirits. We disconnect by living in a society that has taken it all from us, and wishes we were just colonized already.
My heart aches, my spirit fights back, and my body pushes me forward. Drumming on the beach with our Sacred Mother Earth to the horizon, chanting for truth. Singing with courage, for my lover in the horizon is the only one who can see the flame inside of me, and ignite it. Self medicated addictions to hide the trauma. Who's the abuser? Who has denied my brothers and sisters our land? Take it all in greed and sell it for more high rises. Only healing that can truly happen will be after Canada returns our land, our rights to protect the sacred riches mother earth provides us for life. This will be the spark of embracing. Empower my relations, for we will keep our roadblocks, we will take you to court, our stories will not go unheard, and our warriors will not sit still or turn a blind eye.

I am Big Fire Woman, singing the truth of our history. I am bold, yet weak. Light, and darkness. I am love, and hate. I come with warmth in my heart, the power to create change in my spirit. Very few believe me, and many will challenge my faith in our Sacred Truth. When I hold my drum with pride, the truth is yours too. Let me ignite in you the courage for victory, we will be free.

Freedom.

Big Fire Woman- who I be...

 I am Iiwaans Tsaanuu, Big Fire Woman. I come from three nations on the West Coast of Northern Turtle Island: Haida, Nisga'a, Tsimshian. I am a young Matriarch in training. A woman born free from Canada, and I have come dancing with the TRUTH of our history for all my sacred relations to embrace, even if in fear. I AM living history, and how I embrace the history of my ancestors will open doors for the next generation. Historically my nations gathered in the stormy months later in the year, we feasted, and we told our stories of creation, of myth, of warriors, and of legends to inspire us all. This is what we sort of call Oral History, or Ayukw in the Nisgaa language. The pieces i wrote, came from my heart, which has been touched by the graces of our history. And I am a freedom dancer, singer, writer, mother, and lover, sister, daughter. I close my eyes, and i see myself in a beautiful long house in Haida Gwaii, with Nations from all over Turtle Island sitting around the fires, listening to my story of living history. We are the legend, for we have survived, and will continue to live with great humble pride, as we are all sacred relations.